Your Successful parent is your worst Enemy! (Part one)

By Randy, Aneke.

Imagine being ‘given’ a life to please, a life tagged as an experiment of ‘continuum’ – as a test subject of slow and limited change, devoid of personal identity or selfhood. Now imagine not meeting the ‘required’ standards for appraisal; having to be constantly looked at as a failed project, with the never ending roll of the eyes indicating a sign of disapproval, disinterest and disgust! This is how it is when your successful parent becomes your worst enemy.
Here’s a disclaimer about the title: “Not all successful parents are your worst enemies.” The title is reserved for a selected few who usually ticks this box – a parent who became independent from a young age, having to struggle and climb up the ladder to success without a mentor despite the odds.

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When life Creates a Narcissist!
Navigating through life’s turmoil alone and succeeding, does not always bear the sweetest fruits. An idea of this can be painted in two scenarios. Imagine taking a premature fruit, wrapping it overnight in an effort to get it ripe. Then leaving another on the tree branch till it ripens. Both might look and feel the same on the outside but the taste of the former is bland when compared to the latter.

Now in that effort to succeed, a lot is learned through personal ‘failures’ rather than a mentoring ‘saviour’. The steps on that ladder (to success) is replaced with knives and each cut leaves a permanent scar for remembrance. Finally at the top, the wounds are so deep, it develops a new voice…“I’ve been there.” “I’ve done this.” “I know best what works!” These three statements constantly echoes in the mind, creating an unchanging pattern for reference. Life’s turmoil has has successfully created a perfectionist, an egotistic specimen with the mantra: “my way is the best way.” But you shouldn’t blame their choices, they became blacksmiths of their fate at an early age. Having to heat up their steel from scratch, forging their swords through sweat and blood. An experience like that would leave no one unscaled. Like the programming of a clock to tick towards a lone direction, life creates a monotonous mind, obsessed with control and oblivious to change. Life creates a “Narcissist!”
Creating a Continuum.

An innocent child whose mind is fresh and reeks of naivety is born. A new mission is set in motion, with the pulling of strings, the molding of images and the influence of identity, in a desperate effort to unearth a ‘mini-me’. The questions of: “child what do you want to be?” is replaced with, “child I want you to be… I want you continue….” The idea of the need for ‘selfhood’ is blinded by their shallow definition of ‘parenthood’.
Now the child is left with conflicting ideas surrounding his individuality, with the thoughts of concern forming a ring of confusion around his head. Out of the rubbles of uncertainty, two questions emanate: “should I go where the path may lead? Or go instead where there is no path and leave a trail?”

It’s early in the morning and an aura of ‘change’ radiates round the child. He walk by the parents bowing low to greet but receives a cold response of disapproval.

“They hate this new change!” The choice of individuality is perceived as act of rebellion. With the frown on their brows they say: “You have grown wings and can no longer listen to your parents.” As the years grew by, their relationship dwindled. He became to them a failed project, a puppet gone rouge.

The child tries to weather the storm of rejection but the feeling of indignation forms a never ending dark cloud over his head. He pitches a thousand and one career ideas to the parent hoping for their support but they are all rejected and met with the same three statements: “I’ve been there… I’ve done this… I know best what works!”